Sqeeeeeeeee! That is how excited I am about discovering Dinosaur erotica.  Never in a million years would I have thought that such a thing exists. Finding that online was like a treasure trove of giving. There are also books on refrigerator erotica, grocery store erotica, Amish erotica and sentient vegetable erotica. Really and truly, it’s like a cornucopia of never before considered possibilities.

Who writes it? And why? Do they do it for pay? Is there a specific readership for each genre? Or can you call them individual genres? Like sub-genres within the porn world. I want to download one, a dinosaur one, just to see what’s in it, but then I don’t for three reasons.

  1. I’m way too cheap.
  2. I don’t want to open my computer for the next six months and see, Because you downloaded A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay, we thought you would enjoy….
  3. I don’t want to.

Me: Oh MY god! There’s dinosaur porn on the internet.

Hubby:

Me: Listen to this title, Mating With the Raptor.

Hubby: I don’t even want to ask.

Me: It’s dinosaurs, having sex with people. And vegetables.

Hubby: Dinosaurs having sex with vegetables?

Me: No, vegetables having sex with people.

Hubby:

Me: And porn about sex in a grocery store.

Hubby: With vegetables?

Me: God, I never even thought about that. I was just thinking about people in the freezer aisle when suddenly their clothes fall off they would have to get close together to keep warm to survive. You know what happens to people when they don’t have any clothes on in the freezer aisle don’t you?

Hubby: They get cold.

Me: No, hard nipples. According to Lisa, hard nipples always lead to grocery store sex.

Hubby: With dinosaurs?

Me: Maybe.

Hubby:

Me:

Hubby: Okayyyyy. So I have a question. What the ever loving fuck? Seriously, why are you so excited about this? Gay dinosaur vegetable porn?  Are you trying to tell me something?

Me: I could totally write something like this. And my friend Lisa said if I sold a million copies, I’d be rich. Well, she actually said if she sold a million copies then she’d be rich, but whatever. She can write about Amish erotica or bicycle erotica.

Hubby: You? Write erotica? You?

Me: Yes. Me.

Hubby: You get squeamish writing a kissing scene. Didn’t I see you tearing your hair out when you were trying to write a two-page scene where no one loses their clothes?

Me: Yeah, but that’s my real writing. This would be something I’d do under a pseudonym.

Hubby: What the fuck’s a pseudonym?

Me: A pen name. Like a fake name that you use when you don’t want your real name associated with a work.

Hubby: Why don’t you just say a fake name? How come you always have to drop words like sued-do whatevers on me? And who’s Lisa?

Me: She’s my new best friend on the internet. We’re writing soul mates.

Hubby: Where’s she from?

Me: *waving my hand* Over there somewhere?

Hubby: Over there? Where’s that?

Me: In the world, somewhere. I love her. Like not, fall down in the mud and lose our clothes love or anything. She just gets me.

Hubby:

Me:

Hubby:

Me: What?

Hubby: Dinosaur sex. Strange women from the internet. Walking vegetables. If it leads to us getting millions of dollars, go for it, just don’t tell anyone about it.

Me: Oh, I already posted it on Facebook.

Hubby:

Me:

Hubby: You didn’t mention my name, did you?

Me: I said it was all your idea.

Hubby:

Me:

Hubby: I can’t even…I’m going out into the shop. I have to fix the harbinger on my chainsaw.

Me: Okay. I have a LOT of research to do. Lisa’s going to help me.

Hubby: *door slams behind him*

Me: Oh my god! The Creamy Astronaut! There’s astronaut porn.

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One thought on “Dinosaur Porn! It doesn’t get better than this.

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