The following is a (mostly) true and accurate transcript of watching Iron Man with a seven year old (Everitt) and a grown-assed man (Hubby).
Ev: What’s he doing?
Me: He’s getting into his private jet.
Ev: Is he rich?
Hubby: Shhhh, watch the movie.
Ev: Who’s she? Why is she dancing?
Me: She’s a stewardess.
Ev: What’s a stewardess?
Me: She’s a person who brings you food and drinks on an airplane.
Ev: Why’s she dancing?
Me: Because she’s drunk.
Ev: Oh, like drugs.
Me: No like booze.
Ev: Who’s that? What’s he doing?
Me: He’s a….
Ev: Look, POW! Bam! Crash! How come that blew up? Why are they shooting? Did he die? No, no—look his eyes are open. Why is that guy there?
Me: Because Tony St…
Ev: Who’s that? Who’s that? Is he a bad guy? Look it crashed. What’s he doing? Look, look…KA-boom! Haha. Good idea Stark. Hey what’s he doing? Is that fire?
Hubby: Be quiet. Watch the movie.
Ev: Look, look at that? How can he fly? How? It’s heavy and it should deaded him. Look at him? Hey it’s the bad guy? Is he dead? He crashed? Is it hot there, or cold? Wow! Is it the other guy…hunh…hunh? Is it? That guy, is he the good guy? Is he trying to save him—or maybe no? Where’s he now? Oh my GAWD! I never seen that before. Why? Did he start it? Why is she crying? Are they going to kill her?
Hubby: For crying out loud…BE QUIET!
Ev: Why are they clapping? Hey, who’s that? I think that’s his dad. Is that his dad? Is he a good guy? I think he’s a good guy. Is she a good guy? Is Iron Man…I mean Tony Stark sick? Oh, oh, oh….he’s falling out of the sky. Why is he falling out of the sky.
Hubby: Arrggghhhhhhh…Everitt!!! Watch the movie.
Ev: Hey, where are you going?
Me: I’m just going to pop into the other room and slit my wrists.
Hubby: You want me to pause it?
Me: No—I’m good.
Ev: Look, look, he’s going to kill him. That guy is bad. I don’t think it’s his dad. He is a bad guy. Wow, wow, wow. That’s dangerous, right? Is that army guy his brother or his friend? How come he’s going to a party? Is that his girlfriend? Hahahaha, she’s mad. Is she mad. Look, it all fell apart. How come it fell apart………………….